Grindcore Lu'au

by Wadge



GK#1 c&p 2011 karaoke/wadge


released January 1, 2011

an UKULELE PRINCESS production
"Grindcore Lu'au"

Recorded, mixed and massturd at Tiny Bubbles Studio & Shave Ice Stand. Additional throat rips on tracks 4 & 12 by Gobbles. “In Stink of Arrivals” ranting by Richard Johnson. Roar of the Wild Boar on track 17 by David. Front cover painting by Tabu and captured by Evan Holt w/ his witchcraft machine. Surfer illustration by YZR Craftsman JP. Layout, design & dissemination by J. Randall. Everything else by Paul.

Thanks to Howard & Bob.


all rights reserved



Grindcore Karaoke

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Track Name: In Stink of Arrivals (Immortal Flights)
Hawai’ian islands on vacation
Grindcore lu’au, good vibrations
Track Name: Grindcore Lu'au
Hawai’ian islands on vacation
Grindcore lu’au, good vibrations
Big fat soy pig on a spit
Pineapple gravy, that’s the shit!
Hot night in Hawai’i
On the plane but fast
WADGE goes to the lu’au
It’s gonna be a blast!
Off the plane in Hawai’i
With a cardboard cut-out of Shane Embury
GO! GO! GO! Outrigger
Get us to the beach
To fist us ripe papaya
And every mai tai within reach
Track Name: Extremity Jet-Planed / Eyes of Crust / Obstinate Erection
What a flight! Crammed into an air bus all goddamn night
But now, we are here! After many plastic cups of goddamn beer
Honolulu Airport-tarmac-hula-mountains- holy fuck!
Hit the Sunset Lounge for a cocktail
Mai tai? Yes, please!
One more before we grab a taxi
Ok, shit, these are really good
Another, now we’re fucking slaughtered!
The bartender is grinning and those mountains are spinning
Racing up the corridors gurgling indecipherable nonsense
Strollin’ down at Waikiki, rum and shave ice, tee hee hee
Aloha shirts and rabid grins
Is THAT a whorehouse? Yeah, I’m in!
Eyes of crust peeled apart to see
Diamond Head and some type of VD
Track Name: Basking Under the Great Frost of the Eternal Hawai'ian Winter
Frozen thick, forked tongues lick
Locked in a press, taste buds will molest
Whirling speed, unholy is the need
The gods now bestow
This fresh Hawai’ian snow
Basking under the great frost of the eternal Hawai’ian winter
Adzuki is the bean, sugared sweet and mean
Syrups rise and flow in the colors of the rainbow
Sticky drips, the strawberry rips
Mochi balls, Hawai’i calls
Cerebellum freeze hard as stone
Blizzard of the skull
This ain’t simply no weak snowcone!
Track Name: Beneath the Lagoon
Whiling away the hours at the base of a palm
Strummin’ on an ukulele, singin’ tunes since dawn
Some bubbles start a poppin’ from the water blue
Guess I better take a dip and have me a look or two
On the way down to the bottom
Past a sea turtle humming Hilo March
Vibrations emanate from a coral door
A menehune answers my cautious knock
Waves me into a room and holy shit! It rocks!
Martin Denny is standing there
Don Ho and Edwards in their underwear
Arthur Lyman in on the vibes
To a stacked waitress Les Baxter confides
Apaka and Jenks Tex harmonize
Ho’opi’i on the lap steel flies
Sweet wahine they play bongo
Tiki jumping to and fro
Local elders talk ancient tales
Knotts double-takes at their stories of whales
It all goes down beneath the lagoon
Track Name: Drink for a Minute (Suffer the Distilled Men)
Track Name: Deadly Curse
Grindcore vacation, paradise found
Speed freaks appear from the ferns
Rivet-heads, hell rats, longhairs & skins
On a coconut bong they take turns
That’s right, on a coconut bong they take turns
Thrash beats are pounded on pineapples and
Gurgling voices repeat
Other tourists stare but the grindheads don’t care
‘Cause they think it sounds pretty neat
You heard me, they think it sounds pretty neat
Just then three of them break away from the pack
Wearing black shirts and flip-flops they search for a snack
Metal Rob stops to pee and looks down at the ground
He returns with some pieces of rock that he found
Blast Beat Pete inspects it and then promptly concludes
“This shit is lava we’ve got right here dudes.”
With high fives exchanged they return to the beach
The lava they bring has a lesson to teach
Lava kills in a pack – you’ll run!
Lava starts to attack – you’re done!
If you think you can beat – deadly curse!
If you think you will live – book a fuckin’ hearse!
At home on the mainland the bad luck it mounts
Pele the Goddess is pissed
She curses each grind fan who stole her lava
Crushing with a long reaching fist
Illnesses, tragedies, blood sprays from legs
Rare 7”s burst into flame
Send back the lava, send it back now
Or you might just derail a train
Track Name: Big Wave Grindcore Slack Attack
North side, fully fried, rush the shore
Surfing in the name of grindcore
Through clenched teeth grit sick power chords
You can’t read the logos on our boards
Carve, slash, blistering speed rash
Sick hair spins as we shoot the tube
Throw the power metal kid to the sharks as food
Warlocks, Mockingbirds, Bitches strapped
Big wave grindcore slack attack
Fuck the wetsuits, camo shorts!
With side 2 of ‘Scum’ cranked – we cavort!
Sol Ho’opi’i steel guitar
Dueling Pintado riffs back at the tiki bar
Mixed with Torrao double-picks, drums though are faster
Played on coconuts like a Ken Owen blaster
Track Name: Polluted Hinds (Mai Tais Above)
Track Name: That Little Grass Shack
There on the beach sits an old grass shack
Where bamboo poles do frame the door
In which carved deep the face of a god
From long ago with noble eyes
Guarding the place where ancient chants echo between
Civilizations the arrogant label primitive
Though light years ahead of complacent nations sucking marrow
Here comes the cowboy now to teach them how to be
And tagging along for the ride is his sidekick Almighty 
The simple island met a pie man pissing on its shore
Said the pie man to the island let me bring you war
Track Name: Lost Kingdom of the Menehune
Dark the night, out strolling through the vines when something tugs the bottom of my shirt. The same one I just bought while in Paia: hibiscus print and a surfer hanging 10. I look to see nothing staring back at me and so I continue on my walk. Another tug, but this time I’m faster! It’s a little jolly dude all of 3 foot 2. He giggles and points to a hole - hops in so I follow him. Through a maze of tunnels we go, where he’s leading me I do not know. Up ahead a glowing luminescence, I’m in the Menehune Kingdom. Hundreds of them hopping all around dancing to the menehune sound. They hand me a bowl of kava kava. All at once my mind bleeds colors. Laughter permeates my visions. We all join hands, in circles we stomp!
Track Name: Forgotten Cult of the Peoples Tiki Temple
The kingdom Polynesian encased in strapped bamboo
Urban and exotic, waterfalls and bridges too!
Thatched grasses adorn the walls
Pineapple stools to rest
Carved idols standing fiercely
Hula servers with luscious breast
This temple where long pig worship
South Pacific ways of life
Mr. Bali Hai our tour guide
Pukka Pukka, down the hatch!
Without a scratch
Forgotten Cult of the Peoples Tiki Temple
Speared guards protect the artifacts
The huts scream tribal chants
Summoned by the forbidden
All night long watch them dance
Swizzle sticks and gods Hawai’ian
In potent bowls of rum
Just one and you’ll see sideways
As tiki beat the drum
Track Name: Gurgle of the Wayward Wind
Wind brings the allure
Enchanted charm of human manure
Nasal holes inhale the spray
In septic slop the senses play
Kaua’i hosts the fest
Where grindcore fans come casually dressed
Eels quickly evolve and grow fat feet
Latching onto heads to gnaw skull meat, so sweet
Carnivorous caterpillars drop from the palms
Like ravenous bombs, furry killers
Evil invaders outnumbered by beasts
AGATHOCLES shirt sales officially cease
Snorting boar skewer a flailing Mick Harris
Whose blast beat defense does nothing but embarrass
Trey Azagthoth snatched up by a giant moth
Oscar Garcia, I wouldn’t wanna be ya
Bill Steer and Walker
Their heads are used to play soccer
Justin Broderick
A mutant shark rips off his prick
Track Name: Lucid Jeri Curl
Track Name: Monsters of Honolulu
Run, 'cause here they goddamn come
Blocking out the sun, life will be undone
Shit, pop you like a zit, man-sack to be slit
Scream for mommy’s tit
Skeletons snapped and cracked like sticks
Skin bag holds them in
This shall be thy fate if you can’t escape
Nuts used to be encased
Their fleshy house erased
Sliced then tanned and sewn
At least they left the bone
Track Name: Tiki Battalion Unleashed
When the last soldier fails
On the battle field
Pools made of blood
Stocked with piranha and eels
Metal fighters lie still
Spirits crushed into meal
By God’s army of slaves
Praising Christ’s wretched name
Patches torn from vests
Metalheads dishonored
Hugged by priests you know molest
Inverted crosses turned
Metal records burned
Bullet belts are tossed
Now hope is surely lost…
Forced to bow!
Ancestors disgraced
Satan’s been replaced
But wait, what’s this? The metal fist!
Might still rule this place
Over the hill their chanting grows
Wooden armies march in rows
From Hawai’i and Fiji strong
And Rapa Nui this tiki thong
Red turns the sky, metalheads cry
Bibles are trampled as Christian heads fly
Deep into the night tiki rid this holy blight
Giving bangers back their pride
In their beer guts deep inside
Tiki assemble by the cliffs
As metal legions air band metal riffs
The liberators load onto ships
While Metal Larry chugs brews, eats chips
Once more the flag is raised
Bands formed and demos made
Burgers, fries, the feast!
Tiki battalion unleashed
Track Name: My Sweet Hawai'i
Something did happen way down deep below
Volcanoes were rumbling and they did blow
Earth’s mantle vomiting, chucking its lunch
This shit really happened, it’s not just a hunch
At one time called the Sandwich Islands, it’s true!
Mother Earth got queasy and so forth did spew
Archipelago rising from the sea
The beautiful lands that we call Hawai’i
So many things on these islands that rule
Let’s start with tiki, so wicked and cool
Surfing is badass and next on the list
And then we’ve got mai tais with which to get pissed
Haleakala so gorgeous it’s sick!
Shave ice with mochi and syrup so thick
Pali Lookout, also Chinaman’s Hat
Wild boar roaming so badass and fat
Taro root mashed to poi
Yummy for the tummy, oi oi oi
Rainbows scattered through the skies
Hula gals easy on the eyes
Sand to lie on colored gold
Crazy menehune tales are told
Diamond Head, painted tree
I goddamn love Hawai’i!!
When I die I shall be
In the land of Hawai’i
When I die look and see
My ghost flying ‘round Hawai’i
Ho’opi’i, sweet lap steels
Kahanamoku, humpback whales
Ukuleles soft and sweet
Mango, papaya, such a treat
Seven Sacred Pools, oh yes
Aloha shirts in which to dress
So laid back this way of life
Hack into a coconut with my knife
Track Name: Pineapple Sickness
Pineapple overdose, yellow flesh
Breaking into the plantation, making a mess
Bursting from the inside out, ate too much
Bulging stomach is distended, please don’t touch
What the hell came over you? Lost your mind
Need to sit down for a while, listen to some grind
Acidity burns your skin, soon you’ll die
Blood replaced with juice so sweet
That sure was a lot to eat – my oh my
They say that eating much pineapple
Makes you lose your mind
Hair falls out, internal bleeding
Virus makes you blind
Can’t resist the fruit so good
Packed in crates made of wood
So delish!
Now you’re bloated like a whale
Vomiting into a pail – oh shit!
Disgusting and bloated, digestive tract unwound
Contents sprayed like a fat hose
Across the Oahu ground
Track Name: Sharpen the Chisels
Sharpen the chisels, push down the stone
Preparing to thrust into wood
Ready the blade, raise up the mallet
Hammer that sucker home good!
Palms readied to become
Representations of gods
Crevasses gouged
Eyes channel ancient ones
Summoning the other place
Racing through the veins
Sculpting with razor blasts
Slices fly into outer space
Angry glare warning of the danger
Do not pass or you taste the curse!
Track Name: Ten Tiny Toes Would Be Sick!
Here beneath the Maui moon
Listening to grindcore and a bit of doom
Sipping on rum from a coconut
Dreamin’ ‘ bout a hula girl as I rub my gut
When from the water what do I see?
Standing there dripping wet in front of me
Guitar in hand, clear as can be
The spirit of Sol Ho’opi’i
He asked me if there were any tunes I wanted to hear?
I said ‘Ten Tiny Toes’ would be sick!
Stuck his tongue out, gave his lips a lick
Tore shit up
I got wood- Eric Wood!
Right there on the beach-fuckin’ sweet!
Then he grabbed my BC Rich
Triple-picked strings white with heat
Laughing as his fingers sprayed
Molten lava across the sky
Wild boar on the backs of whales
Firing pineapples from their tails
And the second he was done his song
In a puff of poi he was gone…
Track Name: Frenzied Surfication
Track Name: Demon Dogs of Waikiki
Welcome to Honolulu
Demon dogs of Waikiki foaming rabid in the street
A million canine form a pack
Shit and piss, booze and smack
This is Honolulu – the paradise before the hell
A moment of reprieve before being thrown into the meat grinder
Where bones are chewed and brains are stewed
Double fist the lethal shots, then line up for a filthy cot
First blow your mind then blow your load
All inked up, it’s time to go
March to the planes, to the ships on the ocean blue and red
Wave to your pals, to the whores cheering from their soiled beds
Lying in some field with bullets zinging past
The last of the platoon with eyes clenched tight
For a moment, face down in the dirt
It’s Waikiki and the sand is hot
Track Name: Vestige of Surfly Remains